i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
