last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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