so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
