I bet he comes in French.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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