just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
