You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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