I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
