can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
