My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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