I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
