OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
