How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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