operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
