Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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