I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
