I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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