wanna go halves on a baby?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
