this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
