hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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