he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
