I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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