found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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