Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize