Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
