I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize