Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I need help removing her.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
