operation have a gay friend backfired
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
God, you're like boner-b-gone
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
