We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
