Hey man sorry I got all grabby
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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