so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
