i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
