I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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