He asked to "fluff my boner.."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
