Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ladies don't puke and tell
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
