i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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