Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
