In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
