I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
