As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
