It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
