A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Drake has all the answers
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
