Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
