another moral hangover. fuck.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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