I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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