too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
