Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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