My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
