just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
