Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
false alarm, still single
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