I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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