I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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