I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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