Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
