Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
