On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
