dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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