Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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