he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
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Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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