I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
