do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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