I can text with my tongue
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
