Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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