in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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