I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
