matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
