Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
