I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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