We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
