If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
