you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
