At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
