I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have already put on my inside pants.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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