She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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