so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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