i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
