Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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