He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
