just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
