I'm gonna have a badass scar
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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