yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
